How You Can Get Through the Muck Faster to Revolutionizing Our Lives:
Are you a Golden Goddess? I know I am.
A woman whose presence is felt whenever she enters a room. One who exudes traits of strength, understanding, intelligence, empathy, as well as a very strong will.
Who gave me the authority to call me a Golden Goddess? I did.
Who can give you the authority to call yourself a Golden Goddess? You can.
Join me in my self-appointed quest of being a golden goddess and in my quest for absolute and total life transformation. We are revolutionizing our lives because we are changing them fundamentally and completely to fun, abundance, love, and connection.
Maybe you are going through a divorce.
Maybe you are through it.
NO matter what, don’t you want something more? Are you tired of life kicking your ass? I know I have been.
I also know I am now seeing the fruit of what has been a strategic plan to make my life better, more joyful, and way more financially solid. I want to share these strategies with you so you can transform your life too.
Now I am not saying I do all of these things all of the time. I am not suggesting that you do so either. The last thing we need is something else to feel guilty about that we don’t have time for. This is not about adding more jobs to your already busy plate. I am suggesting, however, that being strategic about how we spend our days can and will improve the our lives tremendously.
Personally, I do some of the items on this list, every day, and other things on this list, not as often. This list is to inspire you to your good. Do some of what is on this list consistently and I PROMISE, your life is going to shift for the better.
1. We have a gratitude practice:
I write down three different things each day that I am profoundly grateful for. For example, today I am grateful for the feeling of relief I feel as a result of my refinance going through. I am grateful for transitioning from feeling grief to happiness as I walked in the forest today. I am also grateful, so very grateful, for the professional support and guidance I get from my therapist.
We also stay in gratitude. As an example, I was at a long meeting and very frustrating meeting the other day. By the time it ended I was feeling exhausted and irritated. I was also hungry and very much wanting to get home. When I left the meeting I could not find my car and then discovered it had been towed (the street I parked on which I parked it legally turned into a “no parking or stopping” area of the street after 4 pm. My meeting went until 6:00 pm. In my car was the entire file for my client and I had a court application the next morning. The Val Hemminger of the past would have lost her mind with frustration and stress. The current Val Hemminger was grateful that I had the money for a taxi, that there was dinner waiting for me at home along with my roommate and my wonderful daughter, and that I had the resources to pay the fine and tow charge so I could get the car out before court the next morning.
2. We watch our diet and I don’t mean food:
Nope. I am not talking about food. Most of us would not dream of (at least we try not to) treat our bodies like garbage disposals for toxic food. We get what eating fast food, hydrogenated oils, processed garbage does for our bodies. Well, what about the shows you watch? What about the news you consume? What about the people who hang out? What about the things you read? If it is not high vibration, don’t dump it into your mind and soul.
3. We recognize the tremendous power of our spoken word:
Remember how in Harry Potter, if they shouted a spell with their wands in hand, it created a very tangible result? Like “expelliarmus” caused someone else’s wand to fly out of their hand. Well, us mere mortals don’t even need a wand in our hands. Think about it. If you say hateful things, you live in a world of hate. If you say judgmental things, you live in a world of judgment. If you say loving things, you live in a world of love. Your word is your wand.
4. We hire a well-recommended coach or therapist, one who has a reputation for working with their clients to transform their lives, not one that that allows you to stay in a victim mentality.
Remember how Woody Allen characters would be on their shrink’s couch once per week for like, forever. I don’t mean like that. I mean someone who will work with you and allow you to see new possibility and be in new possibility.
5. We have a spiritual practice:
That practice can be any of a lot of things. My spiritual practice right now includes a forgiveness practice, a prayer of gratitude I put out to the greater universe, it sometimes includes meditation, listening to relaxing and identity-shifting hypnosis audio, and three times per day reviewing my planned list of manifestations as found in a book called It Works by RJH. It is about knowing we are not all alone on this great big universe and it is not all about us.
6. We practice tuning into the divine frequency of the universe:
We now know that the Law of Attraction is true science, not just some weird fantastical theory. Stay with me here. It is no longer woo woo to know that we can tap into the essence of what some people call God, but I prefer to call the universe or the quantum field. Some call it the Tao. You know what I mean. Have you ever have that feeling of well-being warm you up from the inside? Well that my goddess friend, is the feeling of universal love and the divine frequency of the universe.
7. When stressed the F*CK out or feeling so very very sad, we move our attention:
What I mean by this if you are upset by something, instead of perseverating about it and going around and around and around and feeling worse and worse and worse (which actually makes it worse), feel it, allow it to pass through you and then instead of going back to it over and over and over again, move your attention. For example, as I write this I have been profoundly and deeply involved in attempting to finalize a mortgage that will have life changing results for me. The process has been challenging with respect to my soon to be ex-husband. Very challenging. So, it has been easy for me to flip to my anger and frustration at him. Then I remember, move my attention. I actually use high-vibration audio books and podcasts to help me move my attention. I cannot listen to *The Complete Works of Florence Scovel Shinn and remain in a stressed out mood.
8. We take time for self-care:
It is a priority. Now, let me be clear about self-care. There is a difference between mindless self-indulgence and self-care. Self-care is not only supposed to feel good in the moment, it is about looking after your body and soul. Not that I haven’t done it, but Binge-ing on Netflix is self-indulgence, not self-care. For me, self-care is walking in the woods. Self-care is stopping in at my favorite brunch place to have a late breakfast when I am done court early. It is about getting my acupuncture treatment. Think about what self-care is for you and do that, at least some of it, all the time.
9. We create our own “Family Village.”
Loneliness in our westernized culture is an epidemic. In order for us to thrive, be happy, and healthy, we need to connect with others. Connecting online is not enough. The research shows that we actually need to spend time in the company of other human beings. When around other beings we biochemically change in a way that a Facebook connection does not. Golden Goddesses create our own family village by connecting with those we already live with and love. We also create extended families and villages based upon more tha our biological connections. We are strategic about implementing the structures (like arranging furniture, where we live etc.) and habits (bookclubs, coffee dates, etc.) to create human relationship and connection.
10. We have a forgiveness practice:
It reduces our resentment of others. It reduces our resentment of ourselves. My forgiveness practice is counterintuitive to many. But it works. It works well and has a profoundly amazing impact on my life. It starts with me asking for the forgiveness of others for the pain I caused them. Learn more about the forgiveness practice I have learned through the Dr. and Master Sha Love, Peace and Harmony Movement.
11. We Build Our Moat of Safety and Well-Being:
Shawn Achor is a Harvard Professor. He is a happiness researcher. In his book, Big Potential, he talks about how it is important to build a moat around our safety and well-being. Putting it another way, to use a Harry Potter reference, he says it is important to defend against the dark arts. What does this mean for us golden goddesses? It means that if our ex is toxic, abusive, or just plain nasty, we should protect ourselves from them. If we have kids, keep our communications with them to email. The point is, if he is going to hurt you when you have a conversation with him , then don’t let him hurt you. Nobody says you have to converse with him. Same same for other relationships that do not inspire you. If you have someone in your life who consistently drains you or leaves you feeling sad, insulted, or in a funk, you may want to consider dumping (I know harsh) them out of your life.
12. We live life in service:
Humans are meant to be in service. We are meant to be kind and to help others and to do something all the time that makes mother earth and her inhabitants a better place. This does not mean that you have to spend four hours per week volunteering in a soup kitchen if that is something that does not inspire you. Also maybe you have so much on your plate this is not in the cards. But what about grabbing the homeless guy a sandwich and a coffee and giving him eye contact and a smile when giving it to him? What about telling a friend how much you care for them, even if it makes you feel awkward to say so? What about taking the time to read a story to your niece or nephew? Or playing a game of cards with your child? How about inviting a neighbor for dinner?
13. We connect with nature:
Seeing and being in the abundance of nature.
14. We recognize the power of our identity
and we learn to have the power to change it.
And two bonus ones for those of us not divorced yet:
1.We get legal advice.
Even if you don’t want to fight, you should know what you are entitled to. You should know what your kids are entitled to. You should learn all about your obligations. Your legal advice should not come from the internet. It should not come from your bestie who went through a divorce last year
2. If we hire a lawyer, we get a well-recommended one who has a track record for resolving their cases rather than just going to court.
Some people like the idea of hiring a “pit bull lawyer” to go after their ex. They get a lot of satisfaction seeing their ex sweat and suffer. So, even if your ex was a complete bastard, forget it, wanting him or her to suffer is gross. It is a dumb idea. Also, ask yourself, at what cost. In my experience, judges who wh*** Judges are rarely impressed with lawyers who pound the table and cause conflict.